Vent: Broken

Sitting on the edge of Angel Island Luger overlooked the land drifting past far beneath. Wide open meadows were bathed in the orange light of the setting sun, the wind sent ripples through the grass, made it look like waves on an ocean.

Carefully Locke walked up from behind and sat down next to him. This time he hadn't even needed Edi's help to find Luger, he just had a feeling where he might have been and it turned out to be true. Locke opened his mouth but then closed it again unsure what to say. What could he have said anyways? Asking him how he felt, how he was holding up? As if that wasn't obvious enough. Only two days had passed since the incident, since Luger had been bitten by one of the Legion's were-creatures. Edi had done his best to heal the outside wounds but when it came to the ones inside he was powerless.

"Why..." Luger whispered after a while, his gaze still fixated to a point far away. Locke expected any questions related to the Legion's creatures but then the other male continued, "Why did he have to show me once more how worthless I am? Wasn't it already enough to be called that and weak and pathetic and a failure during my whole youth even though all I ever wanted and tried the hardest was to make him proud of me? Wasn't it enough that my own children tried to assassinate me for being too weak and unworthy of the Grandmaster title? Wasn't it enough for him to treat me like shit my whole life long?" While he spoke his voice had become louder and the last sentence he nearly screamed out. His body had started shaking, his fingers were tightly wrapped around tufts of grass, almost ripping them out of the ground. "I'm reduced to being just good enough as a lab rat", he continued his voice now way quieter, way weaker. "No, even less than that - he only needed my blood and he didn't even care if he got it from a living body or had to scratch it off the walls. And that he even said to me in person. I think by now the only way he hasn't abused me yet was sexually." By that point Luger's voice cracked. He swallowed hard and couldn't speak for a moment

Seeing him like this made Locke's heard sting but still he didn't know what else to do but silently stare at him. He already had had the feeling when he helped him escape from this awful place that thanks to Moritori something inside of Luger had cracked. But now it seemed as if at that time he had actually still tried to put up a tough facade. In fact Moritori had shattered it.

Luger let his eyes wander over the wide grass fields beneath them. "Sometimes I wished I had wings and could just fly away from it all." His voice was way softer now but with a light tremor in it. He had to take a few deep breaths before he continued talking. "Did you think about that too when you sent me to Mobius Prime for my own protection? Did you plan not to just protect me from the Legion but also ... from myself? When you live on Angel Island it's just too easy for ... for people like me. One step is all it needs. For a moment I could even pretend I was flying - and then it would be over and I could have been away from it all."

Tears now started forming in his eyes but he wiped them away vigorously with the back of his hand. "Even at that I am a failure", he mumbled, his voice choked. "No grown man should cry like a little child..."
'At least you can be glad that you still are able to cry. That means you're not completely broken yet. I can't even remember the last time I cried', Locke thought and the next moment felt horrible for even thinking about a comparison right now.

"And still I am afraid. Of what might become of me, of being caught again, of the pain. Of dying... I have lost it all. I have nothing left to live for. So why am I so afraid?"
'You still have me', Locke would have said but kept quiet, fearing it would sound too hollow, too egoistic.

For most of his life Luger had been Locke's pillar of strength. Someone to lean on, to hold onto before he would fall. He had seemed so lighthearted, despite his own past, had always known how to pick Locke back up from the ground and brush off the dust. But even a pillar could crumble, probably already had shown cracks before. And Locke had never noticed it because he had been too busy wallowing in his own self-pity. And even now that his friend had cracked his heart wide open he didn't know what to do or what to say, felt completely useless.

Finally Locke reached out a hand, placed it on top of Luger's.
"I won't leave you alone." The first few words he finally was able to tell him, the first that didn't feel hollow because he actually meant them. There was so much more that he wanted to say - that Luger shouldn't take that last step, that he didn't want to send him away anymore just for protection, that he didn't want him to live the life of a homeless vagabond any longer, that he would even take the risk and hide him in Haven if necessary, that he wanted to prepare him as good as possible for his first transformation should it really occur, that he wanted to help him through his pain even though he didn't know how. He was only able to sum it up with a weak, "Just stay with me."

Luger shut his eyes tightly and bit his lips but not even that could any longer prevent his tears from flowing. His whole body was trembling from silent sobs. For a moment Locke hesitated, unsure if this gesture was even welcomed, but then he pulled Luger closer until the other's head rested against his chest. Luger wrapped his arms around Locke's body, clung to him as if it was for dear life and wept into his coat.

'But what now', it went through Locke's head. The only situation like this he ever had to deal with was a three year old Knuckles who had a nightmare. He could hardly start rocking Luger back and forth while humming, kiss him on the forehead and tell him that everything would be alright. He never had dealt with something as grave as this. If anything he had run from it. Not anymore though, not when this was about Luger.

Meanwhile the trembling had stopped, Luger's tears had almost subsided.
"I don't want to be here any longer" he weakly mumbled. "But I also don't want to be alone. Can I stay with you somewhere for a while?"
"Yeah, of course", was the soft reply. The Guardian had already planned it anyways. He stood up but the other kept his eyes down staring at the ground and barely made an effort to follow him. By now Locke couldn't help but notice how fragile and exhausted he actually seemed - both physically and mentally. 'Have you even slept at all during the past two days? Why didn't I notice this earlier?' it shot through his mind. Since Luger either didn't want to or wasn't able to get up he knelt down once more, put an arm under his friend's knee pits, the other arm behind his back and lifted him up that way.
"Don't worry, I'll get you home safely", he tried to imitate Luger's once upbeat voice. Maybe by talking like that he could fool himself into thinking that he could actually help and they could get through this. Just like Luger had done for so many years.
"I ... thank ..." the former Grandmaster mumbled, the rest was muffled by Locke's coat which he had buried his face into once again.
The Guardian started walking. He didn't know what the others would say should they find out he let a former Grandmaster stay in Haven - he only was sure that he at least would have had Spectre's agreement - but if necessary he would even accept a fight with them, just so he could keep his promise to Luger.